I want to cry right now. The pace at work is break-neck speed to meet our revenue goals by June 30th. Certain monies we expected to come in aren't going to come through, so we are making last ditch efforts to find new clients to make our goal. In my industry, it's not often that you get a new contribution in a few weeks of beginning the relationship.

Anyways, the pace is exhausting me right now, especially because I'm doing double-duty right now, trying to get our grants submitted on time that will bring in money next year, but my boss yelling at me to focus on money that comes in before June 30th. I can't just blow off deadlines on money that will come in during our next fiscal year.

Then she has to argue with me on every little point. She'll say "I just want it to be really clean in the database and easy." And it is, and I'm trying to tell her that, but she just shakes her head and won't listen. And then she'll cut me off and say, we'll talk about it after June 30th. And I'm like, then don't ****ing bring it up now! She keeps doing that, telling the whole team to be singularly focused on bringing in money before June 30th, but then starting conversations about processes or whatever, then when we try to respond, she cuts us off and says "we'll talk about it after June 30th, why are you thinking about this now?!" And we're like, BECAUSE YOU ****ING BROUGHT IT UP! She just sends so many mixed signals, I feel like I'm doing the hokey pokey.

And then on top of that, I feel really unwell right now. I'm having chronic fatigue symptoms, lots of anxiety, and my depression is really severe right now. I want to just take a sick day, but I can't even do that, because I'll get yelled at for being sick.

She talks to me like I'm not trying to bring in any money, when I just brought in $100,000 this week alone. I appreciate her leadership and direction, but she needs to stop leaning so hard on me. I got the message, I'm doing my job, no dawdling around. But I'm going to cry right now because I'm so overwhelmed.

Seesaw