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Originally Posted by starrysky
(((((PsychNitrous)))))
I believe that it's important to be able to express how you feel. It sounds like you are afraid of your anger. Do you ever punch pillows? Or journal out how angry someone or something makes you? Does that make you feel better? I wonder if it might. Or channeling your rage into sports or dance. I also think it's ok to say to someone, "you upset me." And express your anger in a civil way. There's no need to apologize for how you feel. Have you ever read anything on assertiveness? I have found the teachings of how to be assertive and express my anger (mainly, that it is OK to tell people what I need, and not feel bad about it) to be helpful. I do still struggle with this though, also.  I also just want to say that in the past, I've struggled with this too. I used to hold all my anger in. Like for years. and then I got sick of it and was kind of *****y for a little while sometimes. I have found that meditation can help and the teachings of zen, because I do tend to be an irritable person, and don't want to harm people during times when I'm annoyed. |
That sounds like a good evaluation, that I'm afraid of my anger. I've journaled about my anger before, but it seems to exacerbate the issue. Sometimes I kind of throw things, like I'll throw my keys into the basket I keep them in when I get home angry, or I'll kind of throw my phone down when something on it (or it!) makes me angry.
I think you're really on to something with assertiveness. I'm not an assertive person, I apologize for everything I do. I was texting my mom last night about being upset that something went badly at work, and apologized for "whining at her". I'm not good at asking for what I need either, I feel like I need to be self-sufficient and able to support myself without help. That always leads to bad situations, like when I asked my parents last month to pay my rent for my birthday present while we were at my brother's wedding! What resources have you used to work on your assertiveness? I think that might be a good direction to start.