.....I don't need to sit in it....I'm very aware of myself being "up" at the moment. I'm also very aware that in a nanny seco I could be in that dark place...I'm very aware of a lot of fear within me and am taking it hour by hour in dealing with it...my natural tendency has been all my life to numb it with chemicals...I seem to be able to avoid that at this time....In the past I have accused others of denying their true feelings and only being upbeat and that would annoy me...but now I find myself in that place...I am aware of my inner pain but I do not want to let it take over my life...even if the up beat is slightly over the top, and maybe not really genuine...whats the crime?...I mean anyways who wants to see my misery...others have their own problems to be dealing with...I tell myself inside, the part that feels all the fear and darkness that I hear them...I know they're there...but life really has got to be lived the best way possible...I will listen to them but I am no longer going to be held hostage by them...anyone relate?