I just want to add DadFMF that your wife's way of communicating with you should be more direct rather than this "testing" that she has been doing with you. If your wife was getting professional help instead of "friend help" she would be encouraged to sit with you and tell you how she would like things to change rather than playing the guessing game that leaves you constantly hurt and confused.

What I am trying to help you with is learning how to listen even when someone is not communicating their issues in a way that tells you what is expected of you. Poor communication is behind a lot of failed relationships.