She is in her mid thirties, but it doesn't sound like she has matured to that age level. It sounds like she is very insecure about herself and it could very well be that she is keeping you on the line to provide security while she is on her journey of self discovery.

Good to see you are paying attention to her alcohol use as she may be developing a problem with that especially since she seems to need to drink before opening up or relaxing with you.

It's not good if she is talking about this other guy while with you and being intimate with you. It sounds like she got very attached to him and it didn't work out and once again she is struggling with how that hit her self esteem. She should have never gotten involved with a married man, that typically doesn't end well and men don't necessarily "love" the women they cheat with either. She sounds more and more like an individual who is personally very lost and confused.

It is possible that she is using you as a safety net, it happens sorry to say. I think it's a challenge now in that women who work on being independent can get a lot of advice that can confuse them more than help them. Especially on an anonymous site where so many are venting and exploring without a direction.

Sorry you are getting so many mixed messages, you have been very patient and I can see you are trying.