I wanted to bring up some stuff here before potentially bringing it up with the forensic psychologist who worked with me to get the correct diagnosis with my anxiety and add-pi.

This is one of the few groups I feel genuinely safe in.

Here's stuff that's happening more and more on a regular basis with me:
1. When I'm driving (I've noticed it most when I'm driving) I feel like my body suddenly goes on "autopilot" where I am aware enough to keep myself safe, but that's it. Like if a deer suddenly jumped in the middle of the road, I'd have enough sense to not hit the deer, but my "sanity/safety" is really just enough to keep me from the imminent danger.

2. I came from a very toxic household (emotional & verbal abuse). I was sexually coerced from when I was 16-19 by an ex boyfriend. I feel like I have three distinct "Faces" so to say. One is a "little" version of myself who I would gauge is around age 7-12. Huge stuffed animal fan, pokemon toys and games, striped stalkings, blasting lana del rey, romanticizing criminal activity, along those lines. The other "face" is a much more mature (I'd say between ages 28-30) young woman. I sense maliciousness with her, but with a viper type maliciousness (cool, calm, collected, "silently sinister" type deal). This one has been around 'much longer' than the younger one. The third one I think of is like a 'dollface', which is my age, but has numb emotions. "Dollface" will suck in the lower lip ever so slightly and stare dead ahead, often "showing themselves" when I'm at work. If I had to take a guess, it's to help deal with the sheer physical pain of my new work place (desperate for money so I can't just "change jobs", also super introvert and I'm mentally exhausted from dealing with with so many people at said job as an introvert).

I do not go through any kind of amnesia, but I definitely feel like different "characters" come out, depending on what exactly is happening. The best thing I can compare it to, is when an actor "gets into character" for a show/movie/play/whatever.

(Somewhat unrelated note? Maybe? I don't know) I've also had huge anxiety involving my name. I'm adopted and my parents changed my "birth name" to my middle name and dubbed me with a new name. The issue here, is that I have been chronically called the wrong name throughout my life (it's a name similar to the one my adoptive-parents changed it to).

It's been so tough for me to find people who I connect to throughout my life. I've always had a very limited number of friends (maybe 4-6 at the most throughout my life, I moved about 4-5 times when I was younger, before high school). I've always been an outcast when it came to school.

What do you all think? I realize I kind of dumped everything here, but I'm really curious.