Resurrecting this thread because two different definitions of "resolving transference" turned up in T and then MC sessions this week. On Monday, I was talking to T about what I thought it meant to resolve transference. What I came up with was, "Resolving it would mean I just saw MC as a "nice man who cares about me and is helping/has helped me." T seemed to agree with that one. So basically, seeing him as just a T/my marriage counselor, nothing more, not as the person who holds the power to "fix me." And not being so incredibly attached to him.

So then I mentioned that to MC in session, and he disagreed with that definition.
He said he thought resolving transference was more about understanding what schemas (i.e., messages in my head about certain categories of people, like male authority figures) play into my reaction to him. That it's not necessarily going to make those schemas go away. But it's about being aware of them and accepting them rather than avoiding them. He said there can be fear and shame in facing them, and I agreed with that. He then said they were like "emotional warts."

With T agreeing with my initial assessment and MC having his own definition, it's a little confusing. Because what he said makes sense, too. He was also emphasizing that I may not be able to get rid of all those attachment feelings, but it's more learning to accept them and seeing them for what they are. I guess that's more feasible than expecting to just see MC as a regular person and letting go of all my attachment to him.

Though I can see how his explanation works with some of the fears about him, like fear of abandonment, etc. But I'm not sure how it works with the more positive things I associate with him. Because in many ways, he's countering my schemas from childhood--by accepting me as I am, for example. And for not rejecting me or acting frustrated or angry with me for asking for too much or doing something like Googling him/his wife.

So I think next session I'll ask him how that aspect fits into his explanation of what it means to "resolve" transference/attachment.