Thanks for reading Kiya. And yes. I feel exactly like that too.

A lot of people say it's because I want to please other people, but I wouldn't say exactly that.. It's just that I am _someone else_ upon encountering someone/something new. Nothing I can do about it.

Sometimes it feels like I'm in control, and sometimes I don't.. I don't know what it means. Some form of depersonalisation perhaps.

And the puzzle? i don't know what it means either, but I know that there are things I'm not aware of, and need to find out. Things from my past. That I may remember at some point of my life, or when triggered. All I know that this is the most painful trial I've ever faced.

Haha I went to see my pdoc today and she's saying I'm psychotic with some dissociative symptoms. How crushing. I still think the psychotic stuff is secondary compared to this. To being completely shattered.

It all sounds so horrid. But right now, it doesn't seem so bad.