Every spring, quite reliably, I try to give myself a "drug holiday". And even more reliably, the results are disastrous. These meds don't have me on a short leash, they've got me in a chokehold, and I can feel the effects within HOURS of a missed dose.

I tried going without meds a couple of weeks ago. It didn't last because I started out with the nighttime meds, didn't sleep a wink, and felt like I was crawling out of my skin. Terrible racing thoughts and panicky/manicky feelings coursed through my body. It's really hard to explain. I take antipsychotics twice a day, and missing those especially does horrible things to me. But did I take the meds the next morning? NO! I wanted to see if I could get out of freak-out mode by myself. I didn't sleep a second night, and 48 hours into my "experiment" I gobbled those pills like Reese's Pieces.

I don't know why I do this every year either. I do know it has something to do with the fact that I get a little hypomanic in the spring, and I feel so good that I think I don't even have bipolar anymore and thus do not need meds. Stupid, stupid, stupid.