I suspect many of us here have actually dealt with PTSD and dissociative states for a very long time and understand the hell that it can be; however, we do have to understand that if we do not actually talk to our therapist or go to our appointments, then our end of communication is vacant and it sets us up in situations where our symptoms can spiral. I feel badly that the OP is struggling right now, and hopefully she will give herself some time to try to communicate more clearly with her therapist when she returns after her vacation.