It sounds like you have a really difficult time with medication side effects.

I would make one suggestion: Have a REALLY good therapist that you see regularly to work on skills for being proactive and to acquire strong, healthy coping skills.

I have been off of meds for several years now, but it has only worked because of the very hard work I put into years of therapy. My therapist and I worked in great detail on clear insight into my own symptoms: What triggered them? How could I make changes in my lifestyle that would decrease those triggers and increase healthier living all around? How do I work through any other issues in my life and history that exacerbate my bipolar symptoms? How do I cope with my mood changes so they are shorter-lived and less intense? Etc.

You cannot continue doing what you have always done and expect different outcomes: That was a very difficult concept to truly "get", because "getting" it meant I had to make major changes in my life and my thinking in order to be able to truly see improvement in my bipolar symptoms and get to a place where I could manage those symptoms without medication (and eventually, after years, without the support of a therapist).