I don't know what to do. My GP wanted me to see a psychiatrist two months ago but after I told this to my T, I felt like he is scolding me for wanting to do this, he said there are no meds for BPD and it's very possible that I'll end up in 5 years changing 20 different meds and so on.
I felt somewhat ashamed that I wanted to go, after this talk.
He gave me some contacts but I haven't made any appointment yet because of this.

Lately I'm feeling worse and worse, not sure therapy is working, but it's bringing up strong emotions of hopelessness, disappointment and abandonment.

I'm much worse than I was when I started therapy, having suicidal thoughts more often than not. Depression, anxiety, anger....I don't see improvement. Relapse with SH, ED issues.

In a way I want to see a psychiatrist because I need validation for how I feel. That I'm not making it up. Also I need more help.
Don't know if I should just find another T and that would solve it...I'm so confused.

But also very self destructive and I think I'd need help.

Even though there is this thought in my head saying that I should solve everything by myself.
Maybe I could.

I don't want to end up taking medication though on the long term. I don't know if I need it. But right now I'm self medicating with alcohol and what not and that's bad.

Also still thinking that I am not in such a bad state to see a psychiatrist. That I don't have some serious mental illness...well except BPD

Idk what to do...I guess I'm trying to get some clarity by writing down my thoughts.