Yes my substance abuse may fuel it but I do/say stuff like this sober too. It may be my BPD too. I don't know. People tell me I'm intelligent with a huge heart. I just don't see it. And if I were to tell the history of why I get angry at people such as my dad, you may agree with me lol. He gave me the necessities to live when I was young but there was a lot of emotional abuse which I now have PTSD from. Not going to lie, when I go off, i more than likely mean it. Just have a ****** and immature way of showing it. It just hurts to hear that I actually hurt others. If my dad or family didn't give af about my outbursts I'd be fine. I just hate hurting people. But in my dads case, he deserves it sometime. Maybe not in the way I say it... but he's no saint. And neither am I