so i have been to probably 6 of them throughout my life. but they have always been for just depression from my parents divorce. and that really hasnt been an issue, but everyone thought it was. so no wonder it never worked!

they had me on effexor, welbutrin, paxil, adivan, celexa (for depression and insomnia). and none of them did anything. well celexa helped put me to sleep but that was it. and once i quit drinking caffein, i fell asleep fine anyways.

so then i was on here one day and someone told me that Im experiencing hypervigilance. i didnt even know there was a word for the way i felt! so i finally came clean to my mom. I was worried that she would look down on me for being in an abusive relationship but she was very supportive.

she found me a psychologist in my area who specializes in battered womans syndrome. so for the first time in a while im going to go back and see if this time, since its for the right condition, it might actually work.

im scared that this is starting to mess with my relationship and dont want my boyfriend to eventually say "y'know what... im done being your shoulder to cry on and im done putting up with you being terrified of me for no reason". so i want to get this taken care of. its starting to effect my everyday life.

i cant take the dog out at night by myself because i feel like someone is behind every corner just waiting to jump me. i cant take the trash out, i cant be at home in silence at night or open up the bathroom door if the lights are off. the shower curtain always has to stay open.... stuff like that.

so hopefully this guy will be able to do something for me. i cant tell my dad though. hes one of those people who call them "shrinks" and think you have to be mentally insane to see one. he doesnt know anything about my ex or what he did to me so he wouldnt understand why i was going. and if i told him he would be out his door in 5 minutes with a shotgun... so i cant tell him.

thanks for listening, i just wanted to vent a little and say how nervous i am to go back to therapy.

btw... is that what T means in everyones posts?