I can relate. Especially lately. Underneath all that you are describing, you are a caring person. Clearly, you do not like hurting others. These BP mood swings are not something we choose. Sure, of course they say learning how to "manage" is key, but it's only natural with this condition that we are going to go through some times where it really does seem impossible to control. The good thing is that you have a direction to go in as far as moving forward. You have my support