hi. i don't want to act as if I know your inner-most thoughts and such, but do you think maybe your problems at this point have more to do with needing guidance, meaning, purpose?

I dunno. When you look at suicide, there's actually a lot of social stuff going on. Its interesting...Sociologists have been researching social factors in suicides for over 100 years, but people tend to prefer the Mental Health, Inc. explanations, so everybody talks about the "need for treatment," and the ill effects of "mental illness," etc.

Its been a long, long time since I read the Sociological stuff about suicide, but I seem to recall that a lot of suicides and what Mental Health, Inc. calls "depression" and such is rooted in anomie, or normless-ness. Its when people don't have sufficient bonds with their community, and they drift out of the social mainstream. Interestingly enough, many 21st century societies don't have the strong social and family bonds that kept things running smoothly in years past, even 30 or so years ago. So...its definitely not just you. Its like that 70s chant..."The personal is political."

I hope things get better for you.