Anger is a b***h. It's so easy to lose control and hurt people. It makes sense that that's when you'd say the ***** you truly feel. I don't know if you have access to therapy, but it sounds like you have very real problems with your dad that you deserve to feel better about. It sounds like you have guilt around the anger, which I bet just makes you angrier. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Anger was worse for me when I was drinking to self medicate. I'm in recovery now, but it took rehab, therapy, and lots of meds to get me here. My anger was always toward myself. I would upset people by saying horrible things about myself.

I still get very mad and irritable sometimes when I'm hypo and it's very hard to stop myself from snapping at people or abusing myself.