Quote:
Originally Posted by monalisasmile
It just hurts more and more knowing after working with her for nearly four years she didn't care about me at all. Maybe I expected too much from our relationship. I don't know but it hurts.
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I don't know if I've shared this with you before, it is something I come back to from time to time. It is an excerpt from Why Therapy Works: Using Our Minds to Change Our Brains By Louis Cozolino
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It’s the client’s job (unconsciously of course) to get you to respond to them the way their parents did. If they expect rejection, they will make themselves worthy of rejection. If they expect to have their boundaries violated by being seduced, they will make themselves available for violation, act seductively, and become angry whether you do or don’t live up to their expectations. In a sense, the client’s job is to take you hostage into their past and your job is to elude capture, while naming what is happening and remaining supportive in the process.
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I'm not so sure you can say that she didn't care about you
at all. From what you wrote, or how I understood what you wrote, I don't think she could separate her and herself from you. I think there was too much enmeshment and reenactment going on between the 2 of you and she was not able to step back and see it/see her part in the whole thing - which is in my opinion her job. It is a shame that she was unable to do her job with you. I'm not sure that equals not caring
at all.
I hope you can take the time you spent with her to learn more about yourself. Why were you drawn in, what kept you there, how can you recognize the patterns earlier, how can you keep yourself from being sucked into other draining relationships... and such.
If you can, try to be gentle with yourself around the whole thing and see it for the many shades of grey that was there.
BTW - Speaking of ruptures, I'm currently going through one with my T. I think we've turned the corner; however, things feel different for me and our relationship feels different. I don't know how things will turn out. I know my T does try to do what she thinks is in my best interest. What are we to do when that still f**king hurts?