Quote:
Originally Posted by Elio
I don't know if I've shared this with you before, it is something I come back to from time to time. It is an excerpt from Why Therapy Works: Using Our Minds to Change Our Brains By Louis Cozolino
I'm not so sure you can say that she didn't care about you at all. From what you wrote, or how I understood what you wrote, I don't think she could separate her and herself from you. I think there was too much enmeshment and reenactment going on between the 2 of you and she was not able to step back and see it/see her part in the whole thing - which is in my opinion her job. It is a shame that she was unable to do her job with you. I'm not sure that equals not caring at all.
I hope you can take the time you spent with her to learn more about yourself. Why were you drawn in, what kept you there, how can you recognize the patterns earlier, how can you keep yourself from being sucked into other draining relationships... and such.
If you can, try to be gentle with yourself around the whole thing and see it for the many shades of grey that was there.
BTW - Speaking of ruptures, I'm currently going through one with my T. I think we've turned the corner; however, things feel different for me and our relationship feels different. I don't know how things will turn out. I know my T does try to do what she thinks is in my best interest. What are we to do when that still f**king hurts?
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Thanks Elio,
This is a fabulous post! I read his other book, the making big of a therapist, it was really good!
From what you have quoted from his book it describes transference and counter transference. I remember when t and I had the other really big rupture, she did apologise and blame counter transference. She said it's because she cares that she gets so angry and emotional and maybe she does care but she has a very odd way of showing it. That other rupture was very strange how she reacted to me not calling her, it was actually pretty scary. She was definitely acting out of some place in her past and transferring it into me.
I do provoke something in her that enraged her at times, she just couldn't control her feelings.
I wish I knew the answer to your question Elio. I know that relationships hurt even when we are doing the right thing for the other and for ourselves, they are never easy. I think that all we can be is honest to ourselves and others. Do you think you can work through your rupture with your t? It's a nice feeling when they genuinely have your best interest at heart.