I had a very hard time finding work at all in the past. It was either I was too anxious to go through with the process of finding one, or I would get too anxious about showing up once I had one. In high school, I would skip a lot because the idea of being around people that much scared me, senior year I did independent study where I only had to attend a class 2 x a week. I wanted to get a job since I was at home most of the day every day and school obligations where reduced. It took me 2 months to start to look and another 4 to start to try. I never found a job, always due to a fear of rejection and/or anxious thoughts not allowing me to get up and go. I told myself it was better to just wait until I graduate and try again but my fear of obligations/people/embarassment and rejections all held me back.
From age 18-21 or so the only stable job I had was working for a family member.

Around 21 I became very lucky and was able to find a source of income doing freelance work and it really helped me because I was able to chose how much work I had and when. And often was able to find ways out of going to certain jobs if my anxiety became too much that day. Many clients were very understanding and willing to work with me to reschedule for when I was able to be in a less anxious mindset. I traveled a lot on my own and spent 6 or so years doing it off and on, allowing myself breaks for a month or so as needed to clear my head and allow myself plenty of time to hide in my house. Traveling and working like that became too much in the end, I was breaking down from the energy I needed to put out daily to simply get out of bed and get to the job(s) I had that day. I knew I needed to look for something that was more stable, and allowed me to stay in one place for a while and not have the constant stress of basically living on the road.

Unsurprisingly, I am no longer working, minus the odd job I can do for my S/O who has their own business and is able to support me financially. I feel guilty at times about having him be the sole one to provide for us despite him not minding and reminding me I dont have to work if I am unable, its okay. I am still often wanting to have some kind of job, get me out of the house on occasion and have my own money. I can't go back to what I was doing before because it was 90% travel and that was doing more bad for my mental health than good. When I try to look at possible job options or even consider them, I get massive panic attacks and usually end up going to bed instead of finishing looking at the page, filling out an application, etc.

The idea of having any kind of obligation makes me terrified, the idea of interacting with people terrifies me. I'd like to go back to working, even part time but its hard. And I have a hard time believing I will be able to hold it down once I manage to get a job.