So after 20 years out of a relationship, even dating, I find myself at a crossroads. I have kept all people at arms length, and let myself go, maybe to make myself unattractive on purpose. The last relationship I was in and the few before that, I discovered that I was codependent after reading Women who love too much. I was determined to not be hurt ever again. But all I did was take a break by pushing people away.

Then HE came along, an old flame from 30 years ago, and the old feelings came back feelings I had not felt in 20 years. Up and down like a yoyo, mind reading, catastophising and what ever negative self talk I could come up with ! I have been on a roller coaster since finding out he is coming to town for a few months, last week. The old me is back, and a hard as I try not to obsess, I'm no further ahead than I was 20 years ago.

I'm deflated, and know I shouldn't have let him in to that personal space I had kept my self safe in.

Thanks for listening