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MzJelloFluff said:
..what it would take to change that perception... if you believe as you do, and someone told you it was untrue, a lie given to you by someone else.. what would it take for you to let go of the unhealthy but safe lie to embrace a frightening truth?

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Hmmm…frightening truth…

1. Evidence (an abundance of evidence if possible) to support the new truth. I would also want evidence that my previous beliefs/perceptions/conclusions/information source was not true, no longer true, or is not also true. Part of what makes the new truth more acceptable is proof that the old truth was wrong/unhealthy/no longer valid.

2. I would need to know that my fears about the new truth are unwarranted or manageable.

3. If the new truth calls into question or conflicts with my previous beliefs or an information source which I highly respect or value, then I would need more than one source supporting the new truth. The credibility of this new source would be highly scrutinized. In other words, I would need an independent 2nd opinion. In my case since I am very bullhead and don’t like to be wrong – make that 3rd and 4th opinions.

4. Since my previous perceptions had been called into question I would need time to personally reassess all of the inaccurate assumptions that might have lead to my judgment error. My confidence would be devastated at this point. I’d feel the need to understand my error in order to regain confidence in my ability to distinguish truth from fiction. This for me personally would be a necessary step otherwise I would find it difficult to trust any new information for fear that I would be gullible yet again.

5. To embrace a new truth that frightened me I would need to know that it would likely yield a significant benefit. This benefit would need to extend to my children as well. I would need to evaluate and feel comfortable with the benefit to harm ratio. The potential harm to my children would have to be low.

6. If embracing this new truth would have a ripple effect in other areas of my life (i.e. career, physical health, spiritual, family, etc) then I would want to know as much as possible about the potential impact. The more unknowns the more evidence and encouragement I would need.

7. I would need to be able to accept and deal with the worst case scenario. I would need to feel like I was as prepared as possible for any foreseeable fallout.

8. I would need to have people around me to support and encourage me to counter act my self doubt and dispel my fear. I’d be experiencing a lot of self doubt and likely be in a redundant cycle of thought related to items 4-7. This encouragement and support would need to come from more than just one person. They would likely need to be very patient with me! It would be like dealing with a head injured patient who keeps asking the same questions over and over again.

9. If accepting the new truth or making changes required a period of adjustment I would need friends and supporters who would remain steadfast and not allow me to reverse course, chicken out, or be seduced or lulled back into my previous misconceptions.

10. Most importantly I would need to hear again and again and AGAIN: the evidence supporting the new truth & dispelling to old belief, the benefits to be gained, and continual encouragement that what I was doing was both RIGHT and achievable.

Wow! I am one needy person who is resistant to change. Now I understand why I haven’t left yet! I’m sure the likelihood of answering these questions and getting this type of support is totally unrealistic.

I can understand how some are compelled to be released this mental anguish and believe in a higher power. The notion of taking problems to God, surrendering to faith, and trusting in the belief that-- Thy will be done-- is very appealing. This is especially appealing when you couple it with the belief in God’s grace. My mother had this faith and sometimes I wish I could find it within me. I should have talked with her more when I had the chance.

Gerber… MzJelloFluff… who ever you really are, I sincerely hope you find the answers and support you need to make the right choice. You deserve to seek happiness! As I stated previously you sound like you have given this issue a lot of thought, you are not acting on random impulse. Deep down inside you likely know the truth as it exists at this moment.