I've calmed down a bit...

not depressed, feeling really empty... maybe i am depressed still?

its difficult for me to tell what i feel...

it makes me feel like something must be really very wrong..
i dont feel very present... not really able to discern my feelings... or emotional state...
it leaves me wondering who i am even, if i cant tell what i am feeling... how can i be certain of anything; if i cant even be certain of my own feelings

i know no one has any answers... im not even sure anyone can understand what im sayin...

i get caught up in the vortex of doom... the cycle... that leads me in circles... that just makes me want to give up... because im not getting anywhere...

and it really sucks... because im trying so hard... but this brain is not working with me... its not cooperating... i feel like everytime i try to do something right, something inside counteracts it with 10 wrong steps... not really wrong steps, just measures that prevent me from moving forward... and moving away from these negative symptoms...

i just wish that i had good insurance so that i could see a neurologist...