Ok, I think it depends on "how" you lashed out at her.

I can see you have been trying. Yes, you have a right to be angry if your wife cheated on you and is lying to you. If you do rage and yell at her, while that is discharging your anger, it really doesn't accomplish anything but send the other person into hiding and further denial.

This is why therapy is good for you because it will help you vent your anger, but learn new skills to handle situations better instead of blowing up at the other person. I am having this challenge myself with a sister who blows up at me and accuses me of doing things I have not done. Next thing I know "I" am angry and I am still working on learning ways to walk away instead of venting that anger. I struggle with PTSD, so I can struggle in that if provoked enough I can get "very" angry.

I am wondering if you are passive aggressive and need to work more on being assertive, that can be a challenge in the scenario you have been describing when it comes to your wife. If you make mistakes and can step back and see your own mistakes, that's a step in the right direction.