Hello ojmgreenolives, I see this is your first post so welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit.

Does your boyfriend struggle with dissociation or memory loss? If he has something like DID for example (multiple personalities), he may not remember what any of his alters do. It sounds like he has been through a lot and I can certainly empathize with that, but you need to look after yourself and your wellbeing first. What do you love about this guy? From your post I see several reasons to break it off, but none to stay.