hello there! Welcome again!

firstly, I wanted to let you know, please do not be discouraged if it takes a little while to get responses in this forum as sometimes it can be a bit slow, but we are here, and will respond if given some time

I would like to give you a large, safe, CYBERHUG ((((hugs))))!

As someone with borderline personality disorder and also traits of both avoidant and dependant, I understand the turmoil that you are probably feeling. Try to understand that the labels we are given should work for us, not against us. I see labels as a starting point - I examine if it truly works for me (with the borderline label i read about it and thought holy cow, they are describing me to a T!) and then i look for resources for how to deal with that particular label. But, if you don't feel a label works for how you are feeling, you really don't have to be encumbered by it. Let it go, and focus instead on how YOU are feeling and go from there.

do you have a therapist or doc you work with on these issues? What have you tried so far?( as in meds, therapy, support ect.) coming here is a great support, this site has saved my life a couple of times and my sanity more times than that.

I also have taken many drugs and drank myself into oblivion in the past - currently have been clean more than six months as I got pregnant - having my coming son in my belly has been literally a saving grace for me, and i have so much to thank him for when he is old enough to understand i plan to tell him. so i understand the abuse of substances. if you ever need support in this area, feel free to drop by our little group in the substance abuse forum. Even if you have been clean for years, sometimes its nice to talk about recovery or even just celebrate being clean for so long!

You said:

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I am disabled and trying to finish my BA in Psychology. I have 3 courses left and an internship. I look around and compare myself to my peers, and today, my dad told me I have nothing to show for my life (of real substance) at 37

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i think having three courses left and an internship in your BA is something of substance, for sure. Thats a real acheivment that you have made it this far, and you are coping with a disability to boot! thats really cool. Don't feel like you have nothing, because even the fact that you persevere through your disability is HUGE. gosh, sometimes making it through the day is a huge accomplishment when dealing with lots of issues.

And i wanted to say, and i hope this comes out right, please dont be insulted thats not the route i was shooting for, but not having money DOES NOT make you worthless in my mind. I'm poor as all get out but I have things in my life which make it much richer. Don't let anyone tell you that not having money is really signifigant to what you acheive - its just one small thing in a sea of things you can acheive.

You also say:

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I am a decent person, I love to laugh

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These are real acheivements in themselves. You have a great personality - you have raised your adult self pretty good I would think!