Kebsfroggy - I understand. I understand the pain. You aren't alone. I am trying to find peace in my world also.
You say " My decisions are what put me into this pit." We can make different decisions. I have. Not all work out the way I want and accepting defeat is not easy for me. I learned I have to care for myself first - not easy for me to put me first - rarely ever have I done that (part of my bad decisions). I am learning I am worth it - I try and comfort me the way I would comfort someone else - I deserve the best I give to others too.
I have the pill routine too - morning, noon, dinner, bedtime everyday 24/7.
I hate my disease and what happens to me in my head and in my emotions. But then there are people like you - and PsychCentral - and I can go forward one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time. I hate being fed up and tired - I don't fight it anymore - just wait it out until it runs it's course - I refuse to give up and give in to this disease - I am bigger than my disease - and so are you - so are all of us. I won't be defind by my illness. I am a worthwhile human being who happens to be ill.
I hope my rant helped some. Please hang in there. You are a wonderful froggy with a beautiful heart. The world needs what only you have to give it.
{{Hugs}} Froggy,
Starfishblue