My Support Forums - View Single Post

connect.the.stars · Jun 19, 2017, 10:01 PM

I wanted to get people's opinions on a certain aspect of gift giving. Please consider these five questions before reading the backstory (located in trigger box).

Question 1: Do you like to be present to see the gift receiver's reaction to your gift? Assume this is a gift you have spent a lot of time on making or put a lot of thought into.
Question 2: If you prefer to be present, do you think you gain happiness from seeing the receiver happy? Do you believe this is the sole reason why you give gifts? (To spread happiness to the other person).
Question 3: If you did not know whether the receiver liked your gift or not, would this make you sad or feel like your effort was not appreciated?
Question 4: If you don't care to be present, is this because you are satisfied with knowing that you gave a great gift? Therefore, it would not matter to be present to witness their reaction because you know the receiver will be happy regardless.
Question 5: If the only reason people give big gifts is so that they can feel a little bit better about themselves, then would that make gifting a large/meaningful present a selfish act?

Possible trigger:

The reason I ask these questions is because I recently put in a lot of effort to look for, purchase, and make 30 presents for my significant other's 30th birthday. I wrapped all of them individually, brought them to his place while he was at work, and decorated a small corner with a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY banner that I made. I couldn't exactly surprise him at work since one of the gifts was a pint of ice cream (I didn't want it to melt), so I placed that in his freezer.

I knew he would be out late that night for his birthday celebration with coworkers, but I wanted him to at least see his surprise when he got home on the day of his actual birthday. The next morning when I found out that he had opened all his gifts without me being there, I felt extremely sad. I did not explicitly tell him to wait for me to open them (so it is not his fault and I don't blame him).

However, this caused me to question why I felt sad. Birthdays are happy occasions. I shouldn't feel sad to give gifts that I knew he would like. I wanted him to be happy, but does that come at the price of being able to see his overjoyed reaction?

I have been turning this over in my head so much that I can't see clearly anymore. It has caused me to question whether I was being selfish or entitled to act as though I was giving a lot (when in fact I was just giving to gain happiness from it).

Perhaps I placed too high of expectations on his reaction. It's not fair of me to expect anything back because giving is not about any reciprocation. I am so conflicted because I can't ignore the sadness that I felt.

Another theory I had is that I gift big items because of my low self-esteem. I think someone won't continue to like me if I don't get them something valuable.

Any of your opinions on this matter would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.