I truly dont know how to cope with everything. How does anyone do it? I mean the "voices" in your head daily telling you your worthless, no one loves you, that you'd be better off dead and away from everyone you love.. I could keep going with what goes on in my head on a daily. But truth is, I am holding on by a thread. Had another mania episode this morning. Which resulted like it always does...my sobbing uncontrollably. Feeling worst than when I was mad. I keep asking myself day after day after day..WHY ME? Why did I get this rotten deal in life. Why couldn't someone else have all my suffering. Someone who is truly evil. But why me? Why do I suffer with this mental anguish. Why do I have to suffer with all the other physical ailments I have? Constant back back, migraines,sleep apnea, sinus issues which result in constant pain in that area of my face. I mean really, WTF!!!!! WHY ME!! And to get anyone to truly understand is like smacking my head against the god damn wall. My family's only retort to me saying I am tired is, "your always tired"! I mean come on!!! Add to this the problems I have in my marriage, I am living in a complete HELL. My kids hate me, literally! My LO is terrified of me and wants nothing to do with me half the time. All because of my bipolar. I don't want sympathy from anyone. Just a little compassion. I dont know how to help my family understand what I am going through. I dont know how to get them to understand anything about what it means to be bipolar. This has to be THE WORST thing to suffer with. IMO anything else is tolerable. But this, this is to much. I cant deal with it anymore. I have more bad days then good days. And it seems like all I do is complain.. IDK what to do anymore. I just want to not be here anymore. Seems like it would be so much easier.