I am so sorry you're going through this. Bipolar can be hell, and it makes no sense why it happens to some people and not others. It isn't fair, and sometimes the very mention of acceptance is insulting. They don't get it. But we do.

Please have compassion for yourself. There is hope. I don't know what your insurance situation is like, but if you need help before you can get an appointment with a psychiatrist, there is always the ER. If you're in too much pain to handle, then you deserve emergency treatment.