Scared, there is definitely much truth in what you said. It's not good to rely on others for happiness, especially people like 'support workers' who are just doing a job. Many of them are as thick as wood, being honest. But there is good and bad people everywhere. I'm sure there are people in every profession out there (even ones where trust should be key) that are either openly nasty or not what you think after more delving into their background. And they say you have to be happy with yourself to make the rest fall into place. I've never been one for spouting philosophy, or is it common sense talk? It's one or the other, anyway.

My anxiety means I have little reassurance. Sometimes, I just want to get on with my day and be strong, but it's like the fear grips me. For a long time, I've never had much self-esteem, nor do I like being in crowded places or busy streets. I've been hurt too much and people have disappointed me. My ex for example was a very nasty and cruel person, who didn't offer up much joy. Being an extra in a film is hard as the days can be long.

In that case, one may ask why I think acting is for me. Maybe it is or it isn't, but I got some critical appraisal when I acted in a play once. This was when I was still attending college; I played Scarecrow, but it was such a long time ago. Then I had this awful panic attack in 2009. They are not pleasant at all. Since then, I've never had another full-blown anxiety attack, but I get "signs" that one could be brought on, and it happens in wide open areas.

My sister feels like this too. She said she gets vertigo-like symptoms. She thinks medication may be necessary to correct the chemical imbalance that causes the worrying. I'm sure OCD and panic disorders are linked. The same with PTSD and other mental illnesses. Either way, they need to invent a "miracle pill" or something, to end all this horrible stress.