I often ask myself the same thing. Why does my life have to be an emotional roller coaster. It is hard to say to you without really knowing you, this isn't suppose to be hurtful in any way. It is more of a spiritual awakening. I hate when people joke about taking my medication or ask me if I spilled a few Cocoa Puffs out of my head today. I will say this. What is done is done. We can't change that. However we can move on. I had to learn how to do everythng I learned in life all over again. Because I am not able to cope or function like a normal person. But relearning these new ways of therapy modification have made me happier than I have ever been. We all have different ways we get through our bad days. Some of cry, some of us scream and break stuff, others just want to hide. But whatever it is that you learn to help you cope, do it. Some days I crawl under a blanket with a tub of ice cream and $25 of Taco Bell and watch horror movies all day long with the curtains drawn and my phone shut off. I know it is hard but one of my favorite quotes from the movie the crow "it can't rain all the time."