Dear T,

I have just realised (how stupid am I) that if you say that there can be no future, then this must end. I will lose you. What, then, is the point of all of this? What is the end game? What is the plan. Why lull me into this relationship when it will only hurt me in the long run.

Sensible head says that I take all that I can, while I can, and satisfy those needs and learn to find what I need elsewhere, be that from me or from others. Sensible head says that I knew this was the case. Sensible head says that it will be OK, that there is a point, that it won't always feel this tragic.

But other head says "noooooo, I love you, I need you. I don't want anybody else. Don't leave me. Don't make me go. How will I ever do this without you. Why go through all of this pain and difficulty learning to open up only to be left with nothing. No one else will ever care enough to be patient and understanding enough. No one else will ever understand. It's not fair. It is stupid. I am stupid for not realising. I am stupid for allowing myself into this trap"