I appreciate those who posted here wanting to help me.

I honestly don't know what anybody can do for me. I crave friendships and closeness with people, yet I am so overwhelmingly drained from my daily routine of survival, school, and trying to find a stable source of income that by the time everything is done, all I have the energy to do is play video games.

In fact, I am getting behind on my school work again because after last week's major essay that I did, I defaulted to playing video games all weekend rather than study. I have been so drained and depressed at home that I can't even motivate myself to take the trash out or cook a meal unless I heat up cheap microwavable crap.

I got myself burned out for the weekend because I got the top grade out of everybody in the class but I did so only because I reacted out of fear and spent several hours hanging out either in the library or with a tutor getting my essay proofread and getting help formatting it and what not. I spent all of this time obsessing over it being perfect because I'm scared of screwing up and getting a bad grade and losing my financial aid. I know that I need the resources provided by the college to have my best chance at taking care of myself. Their resources with things such as job training, student counseling, and the abundance of work study positions that are much easier to get into than a regular job not to mention all of this leftover financial aid money that I can use to pay for my living expenses if needed are all things that I feel like I need to give me a fighting chance to survive without ending up homeless.

A big reason why I feel the way I do might be fear. I don't know for sure but I do know that I spend a lot of time obsessing over ways to make money or take care of myself so I don't end up on the streets. Living alone with no support terrifies me when I have a hard enough time as it is because of my mental health.