thanks everyone I'm feeling very helpless and out of control. My family is very very small and close-knit (I only have 5 living blood relatives). My dad and his brother are best friends and my cousin and I grew up together like sisters. This morning I have been switching back and forth between feeling sorry for myself because I love my uncle so much and I'm not ready for him to be this sick, and feeling sorry for him and for my family. I know you're supposed to "stay positive" in these situations, but I think I'm too cynical...at least I'll keep it to myself though.