Well, maybe she is really just very individualistic and does not care about appearances and what others think of her very much. I am very much like that myself and, while I do have a fashion sense (my own way) and enjoy being groomed and dressing in interesting ways, it's far from formal and what my apparent roles might expect from me. This is just default, my nature, with a sober and reasonably healthy mindset.

You say that she is quite insightful - is that something you find helpful? If so, perhaps try to leave her alone about her things and focus on you? If she is like what you are describing: peculiar, gentle, with penetrating perception, not caring about appearances and more into deeper things - it is indeed very unlikely that she would even react to a confrontation or would engage in your caring needs. I am now aware that I am projecting here, but from a lot of things you have shared about this T, I do relate to her quite a bit.