I want to ask other guys about a problem I've struggled with since my early teens. It's complicated but I'll try to be brief.

I spent my young adult life in the 90's which had "men suck" as a sort of battle cry. At every turn I saw and heard the oppression of women, gays, and minorities by white men. Women were placed on a sort of pedestal and were associated with everything good about humanity. They were/are nurturing, loving, emotional, compassionate, giving, selfless, beautiful, and so on. Compelling arguments were emerging that seemed to indicate women were even genetically superior to men.

We, on the other hand, were ugly, violent, brutal, oppressive, selfish, sexually shallow, emotionally clueless, and basically the root of all evil.

At some point along the way, I really took all of this to heart. I was sexually confused to begin with due to molestation as a child but I developed an incredible amount of jealousy and envy of women. To this day I wish I was born female but am not a transexual because I would never get such an operation. But the envy continues, as does my own distaste for my own gender.

As women were openly encouraged to explore and love their own bodies (at least in the circles I moved in) I came to see my body as something not unlike a weapon. A disgusting implement of violence against others. And while my penis may be the knife, my sexual needs were clearly the knife wielding maniac.

Incredible guilt formed around needing or wanting my sexual needs to be met. Despite having a willing partner, my sex was still an oppressive element in our relationship and I wished I could just not need sex at all. After all, I didn't want to be another guy hurting women and if I could detach myself from my sexual identity, I wouldn't be. But I have a male sex drive and I wished desperately to be wanted the way a man wants a woman. If only men could be wanted that way.

To this day, I put the needs of my partner before anything I might need or want. I despise my own gender, I envy women, and there seems little I can do to exist peacefully in this world.

So if anyone can relate to any of what I've written here, what do you do about it? How can we be men and exist peacefully with women? How can we be at peace with ourselves? Is it even possible? Is our sex intrinsically violent or oppressive against women?

Any of this make sense?

Cyran0