I feel wary of talking about or feeling "love" feelings toward you because of what happened with AbusivePDoc #1 & #2.

Stupid men have to sexualize everything.

Also feel wary of talking about love feelings because I felt 'shamed' by PrevT's uncomfortable reaction. Then I failed to check out if my perceptions of being 'shamed' were true. PrevT and I just settled on calling it 'homesickness," not "love," which doesn't fully encompass the feeling for me. I don't mean anything bad by it. And I'm sorry if it feels intrusive. It's what I feel.

I feel ashamed of my attachment feelings because it feels like I'm such a baby.

I think I've learned this, though-

"From the well
I've struggled with fatherly transference for my T. He said that it's something that will settle down as I get psychologically healthier. That it's a need being fulfilled and as long as I have that need I can't make it go away."

I think I've learned about transference and attachment....that it happens for me because "it's a need being fulfilled and as long as I have that need, I can't make it go away..."

The depth of my neediness and attachment is a result of unmet childhood needs.

The depth of my neediness and attachment and what I'll do, even passively-aggressively, to get that need met....that's how big the hole is.