All of this really gets me down and my knee jerk reaction is to just pull away from everyone, my wife included.

And when I'm not pulling away, the other alternative is to try to just not need or want anything from anyone. A sort of abandonment of any kind of self. But then I'm not happy.

So I pull away again and focus on isolated activities like writing. No contact is a sort of no harm no foul approach.

I picture myself standing in the center of a massive room full of dominos. They are everywhere, right up to my feet. If I sit, they fall. If I step, they fall. If I crumble from exhaustion or die on my feet, they fall. So I stand, eyes closed and holding my breath, trying not to be.

Cyran0