I feel guilty because I feel like if I tried harder to control my moods maybe my husband wouldn't have turned to drugs. I feel like I made life so difficult for us that the addiction was a way for him to cope. Maybe he'd still be alive if I had t deliberately chased mania and all the ****** stuff I did.

I know none of that's true. I know the addiction wasn't my fault. But sometimes I still wonder. But I don't get hung up on it. I work on it in therapy too.