I don't know what to say. I think I lost everyone in my life. There weren't many, but it was hard finding them in the first place. But slowly, they all disappeared. Now I'm alone again. It's my fault. Keeping in touch with people is agonizing for me.

Friends and family aren't the answer, I realize. I end up just as alone as I was before. I feel really empty right now.

I think I'll have to go back to my old way of living. Thinking about it feels like a mixture of relief and deep sadness, like mourning.

I remember how I used to live. I was like a wild fox. I would walk among people, but I'd shyly avoid them. I'd work among them, but do the bare-minimum conversing and socializing that I needed to. I'd spend all of my free-time alone. People hanging out with friends was a mystery to me. I suppose it still is now, but to a lesser extent. If I was invited over, I'd keep my distance but try to be entertaining all the same, then would tuck my tail in and run back home in a hurry, very drained from putting on the constant act. It wasn't always enjoyable, but I did enjoy the moments of being around people and the life I felt.