Hi guys,

I posted this in the psychotherapy forum too, but I wanted to put it here too so I can share with you guys what's going on with me. I'm having a very hard time right now, and of course with bipolar I'm going to feel extremely bad for way too long:

That was brutal. I can't even find a smilie for how awful I feel right now.

He kept talking about since we've been working together for four years, I need to consider that therapy doesn't last forever, and that eventually I'll need to move on.

In four years, I've cried in front of him precisely twice. Both times were very brief. Today I sobbed for at least 15 minutes while he tried to explain what his sort of plan is.

He works for an HMO, so he's not in private practice and gets paid whether I'm there or not. I have Kaiser, if anybody knows what that is. He's a psychologist for the addiction department. I was assigned to him when I went into treatment for alcoholism. He alluded to the fact that I've been sober for over two years now, so perhaps addiction isn't what I need to work on at this point.

I really felt like he was trying to break up with me, and I was devastated and angry. I have never been that upset in front of him before.

He told me he had anxiety going into this session because he wasn't sure the best way to approach it. I told him he was being too harsh and that I came in to talk about why I'm terrified of abandonment, and he went straight to how he plans to abandon me. I told him he was two steps ahead of what I can handle right now, and that was too painful for me to think about.

I told him several times that I am very attached to him. I tried to make him understand that just the suggestion of abandonment was unbearable to me, especially after I've just revealed something so sensitive. He hit me right where it hurt.

He booked another appointment in two weeks. He said he doesn't have a plan to end therapy, but it's something I need to think about.

I am so crushed. I'm too sick to eat dinner, I can't talk to my family, I can't do anything. It is very hard to tolerate the intense feelings I'm having right now.