I'm trying to be well. Trying to be happy and at peace but I'm not.

At the same time I'm waiting to hear if I got the job-I am also under Ssdi review (just happened to show up at the same time) AND Im losing my t I'm really close to. I'm anxious and sick 24/7. Threw up earlier. I'm trying to be ok and be there for those I care about but I'm just really struggling. I didn't even tel my t today how much I'm struggling. Things are so uncertain and scary right now and I'm filled with self-doubt and dread. The music is back circling in my head on a loop-so annoying. I can't sleep or I sleep too much. I panic. I'm sick with anxiety and life in general.
I really don't want a new t.
I just wanna run away from life.