After my divorce, my ex husband told me he had researched about BPD online. He said that with the information he found from websites dedicated to those related to a person with BPD, were very informative to him. Namely, he said he read posts how you should completely avoid having a relationship with "these people" There are a lot of misunderstanding related to this diagnosis. And it appears that he found a way to use my diagnosis to free himself of any responsibility for the shattering of our marriage. Sadly, I have since cut him out of my life after he told me that if he had read these posting prior, he would have never tied the knot.

The reason I'm sharing this is because I took it upon myself to look at some of the sites out there that offer support such as BPD Family among others. What I read was shocking, misguided, and dare I say judgmental. I understand that loved ones need a space to vent their problems. Yet, it felt like BPD was being bashed, criticized and ridiculed. This let me to wonder, if people are gaining some sort of sadistic joy by being in a relationship with some one who is afflicted with the pain of BPD. In addition, I read a few posts about mothers who straight out said they hate their daughters and are contemplating cutting their own child out of their life due to frustration and anger. I felt that the website was toxic to my well being, so i had to exit and really process what i had read.

Professional research has shown that environment, upbringing and other factors contribute to a person developing certain personality disorder traits. As a former therapist, I can also vouch for other professionals in the mental health community that dread working with BPD clients. This is one of the reasons that attributed to me leaving the mental health profession.

Although I had known for years that I identified with symptoms of BPD, I felt some kind of relief as I know others have when actually being diagnosed.
At the same time, it can also seem like a life sentence. In my experience, I have felt utter loneliness, guilt, rage. I have done some things that I regret to this day. It is unbelievable how our emotions can take such control. And right now I'm expressing my anger towards people who have little to no understanding about living with this illness, find it useful to go online and share their sob stories, and refuse to acknowledge the roles they have played in your life. And all the while, using the guise of "Concerned" family member, boyfriend, girlfriend, what have you.

It's disheartening to have to deal with ill informed people in your life and be scrutinized for who you are, even though you may be seeking treatment and doing your best. I personally am dealing with this on a daily basis with my family. At times I feel like the only place that I can find solace is in a mental hospital. It might seem strange to have this thought, but in the confinement of a hospital stay, I feel it is a way to escape life momentarily when things become very unmanageable. I feel so betrayed by the way I have been treated, and the feeling of "no one understands" can be quite overwhelming. And to those of you who are dealing with someone who has BPD, consider coming to this forum since you are so concerned and overtly expressive about YOUR needs. If not, continue to make the Identified Patient's life more miserable, where you are both needlessly suffering and on the verge of destroying any further hope for your relationship with

Thanks for reading. We are our own advocates when it comes to ourselves, the medical community, dealing with loved ones, and even in therapy sessions.