Hi ajpj

I am so very sorry for your loses, and I understand all of this must have been/is devastating for you
As for your husband........maybe he's finding things hard.......maybe he just hasn't got it in him to give you what you need right now, I'm sorry.........but at least you've found here to talk

And as for your mom try to remember that you did all that you could, hey??
Those last messages...........to me..........those were a testament of the caring and love she felt for you and a real special bond between you despite the severely hard times you both went through separately and together.
And you know that alcoholism is a disease or an illness, depending on how you see it, and sometimes it takes away every single element of control someone/anyone can have over it.........sometimes there will be nothing anyone can do/or say to "make things better"/to temper the effects and the ultimate effects.......sometimes it just can't be fought........
What you did achieve though was something so very powerful.........you kept that deep down bond, you kept that love alight despite the alcoholism........and despite the difficulties and that is priceless, in the event of nothing else you could have done/anyone could have done that had to matter so very much
And maybe, if not now.........then in time..........you can feel that she is now at peace or released from the pain, while still remembering you both did have something real special.......beyond everything else........something that did truly matter deep down.
And you know that is still there for you, it's always going to be there for you to pull on........you can still feel the warmth of that even if she isn't there physically

And grieving can be real tough.........allow for your feelings, whatever they are, but also remember that you did what you could, and allow for any memories of good or touching moments between you and the knowledge that you had, and still have her in your heart

Alison