I'm sorry it is so bad. It was like that for me for a long time. When I finally got started on the right med (clozaril) I felt better within a few months and haven't cycled more than a little in the 16 months since. I didn't believe I'd ever feel better or that anything could work for me but it did. Something will help you. What that is (meds, time, therapy, etc) we can't know. I believe there is always hope even when it seems impossible.