So I went to see my pdoc this morning and I had a phone session with one of my tdocs.

My pdoc is kinda new. (My old one retired after I had seen him 28 years). This new one doesn't know me as well and she has not seen me this bad. She didn't change any meds. She gave me more Klonopin so that was a relief. She told me she wanted to prevent me from going IP if possible. (I agree with that.) But she doesn't realize, I don't think, how depressed I am. She wants me to go swimming, get a massage, and go out for breakfast. I told her there was no way I was going to go out to a restaurant and sit there sobbing. THEN she said I need to work on childhood issues to figure out why I didn't want to cry in public! Ack!

My tdoc was more understanding. She actually called my pdoc (they know each other) and they had a talk. We all agree this pdoc knows her stuff but just doesn't know ME. My tdoc told me to text her at least once a day to check in. She also said if things get bad, we can have a session anytime. My tdoc said (as many of you have) that this will all pass...it is the normal bipolar cycling up and down. I think she is a really good support.

Just in case anyone is wondering about going IP here.... I called the hospital yesterday to ask what their bed situation was. They said they are full and you have to sit in a recliner for 1-3 days before there is a bed. Sitting in a recliner means you literally sit in a recliner for 24/7. They give you three blankets (one to use as a pillow). They give you basically all the Xanax you want. They bring your meal on a tray to the recliner. There is a large screen TV which shows reruns of old shows. You are discouraged from getting out of the recliner unless you are going to the bathroom. No shower the whole time. There are like thirty people in recliners in this big room and about four people and one pdoc supervising the whole thing. I'm not making this up. This is what you have to do to go IP. So you can see why I want to avoid it.

Thanks for all of you listening and offering support. You're helping me get through this really sucky time. I do feel better than I felt yesterday.