Had a session today. With every fiber of my being I wanted to cancel this appointment because I hadn't done the homework, still feeling like crap after dealing with Dad's BD, my BD and Father's day. It was harder this year for some reason, took me to some places I really didn't want to be, so I slept a lot to get away from the thoughts in my head.
Anyway, I went on with it. The T didn't really make me feel as bad as I was making myself feel. We started with a different imaginal, recreating my earliest trauma I remember, witnessing my Grandfather's death. It was harder than I thought it would be and totally messed up my day. During this session I had a lot of chills and near vomiting, but I held it together until after the session and it all came up. Not sure if I'm getting a stomach bug or if it was what we talked about. The T extended the sessions until the end of July. Not sure how I sure how I feel about that, It's got to end sometime. She's caring enough to want to end it on a better note but I'm not sure we can get to that place anytime soon. I keep hoping it will be like a clogged pipe and eventually bust through pulling all the traumatic memories with it. Keep waiting for that magic wooosh.