Received the late night phone calls and the sudden irrational shifts of energy, definitely.

I didn't know *what* was going on- he said being intimate was part of therapy, we became intimate, then he went to this blank screen persona. He acted like we could go back to how we were before...he acted like he thought he could be the aloof psychiatrist and me, the patient again. He shut down the conversation whenever I asked, "what's happening?"

There were many reasons we could never go back to being like we were before. For example, I was afraid the intimacies stopped because I had done something wrong. Or maybe he decided I was 'too sick.' So, afterwards if I was struggling with a mental health issues...anxiety...depression...I could never bring it up because I was afraid he would think I was too 'disturbed' for him to want to have any other kind of relationship with me.

He elevated my self-esteem and made me feel special...almost like a colleague. If I admitted I was struggling with certain issues I was afraid he would reject me and I would plunge down into nothingness again...