Hi. I don't know how to begin. This is a complex story.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have experienced mania and depression and psychosis and I don't dispute the diagnosis, even though I regularly play with my meds, sometimes trying to induce mania. I have further been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I do not believe I have schizophrenia. I think my exaggerations have led to that diagnosis.

And that's the thing. I have made stuff up. I have acted out. I have purposely heightened or dramatized symptoms. I have done this since childhood, with various physical ailments, which is another thing I do today. I will always lie and say my fever is higher than it is, for example. I have done this even when the result is painful testing or hardcore medication with terrible side effects.

I was born with multiple health defects and have undergone lots of medical interventions, including several surgeries. My theory is something must have snapped in my mind and I adopted seeking out medical attention as a coping strategy.

Now I am confused. I can not tell how much is fiction and how much is real. I do not know the extent of my mental health conditions, and I just recently considered that I may have that syndrome....which is, obviously, in and of itself a mental illness.

I know this must seem like I am a terrible person, and honestly, I agree. But I can't stop, and I have never been honest before now. I know I need help.

What should I do?